For some reason I am having a hard time with the copy and past
mechanism between livejournal and blogger. Actually, I am having
a hard time with the copy and past in my computer overall. So I
haven't been keeping up livejournal as well as I have been blogger, so
you might want to go to www.charlsiekate.blogspot.com. I am going to try to get it fixed, but until then.....
I have lost my voice. Sometime over the weekend it ran away and I haven't gotten it back yet. I don't know if this happens because all of last week I had a terrible cough, and that my coughing caused my voice to fail through overuse, or if sometimes colds take out your voice regardless. Because even though I coughed all of last week, my voice went out on me in about an hour. I went from being the girl with a bit of a cough who was a tad bit horse, to not being able to complete sentences in the time it took me drink a beer on Saturday. Now, had I known where this cold was going, I probably wouldn't have been drinking. But I didn't, and I was.
When I woke up this morning I wanted to believe that it wasn't that I feel really bad, it was just that I lost my voice. But the longer I am awake, the less I believe this to be true. I slept for ten hours last night and I think this is what helped me feel okay this morning. But I slept well because when I couldn't stop coughing once I laid down last night (you know how that works, you have your cough under control until you lay flat, and then you think you are going to die) so I took a tylenol 3 - the one with codeine in it. I knew I needed the sleep (I stayed up too late Saturday night - lost voice and all), and without it I might not be in class this morning. But Allison said she was worried about me because I didn't look like I felt well. I must be getting sick. I know I am hypochondriac, but I think I might actually be sick this time.
I have three classes this morning. I told the first teacher that I couldn't talk so he wouldn't call on me. I didn't tell the next teacher because he is the teacher that called on me last week and I didn't think he would call on me two days in a row, regardless of whether or not I could talk. But of course, he did call on me. Which is fine, I wish he would call on me all the time, because it would keep me focused and I would be more prepared. But it didn't change the fact that I can't talk. So I had to tell him the best I could that I couldn't talk. Well, I can talk for about 2/3 of a sentence, and then I lose it. But I did go to the trouble to tell my third teacher that I wasn't prepared, just be on the safe side.
I got called on in natural resources this morning. I wasn't really prepared, and the part I was prepared for I read a couple of days ago, in addition to the fact that the case was in a packet that I managed to rip apart this morning. So there I was, fumbling with loose pieces of paper that were out of order, and panicking that I wasn't going to know any of the answers. This is the fourth straight semester that I have had this particular teacher (cause I like him). Here is the exchange.
Me: (shuffling papers, blacking out) "Ummm, well, I read this the other day, so bear with me while I get it together."
Appel: "Well, it is nice to know that nothing ever changes, does it, Ms. Paine?"
(class erupts in laughter)
I stayed out too late. I got up too earlier. I drank a lot of scalding hot black coffee and cold clear beer. I took freezing cold showers. I took very hot showers. I took the LSAT in Boulder on a monday afternoon. I took a lot of pictures. I watched it snow in late May.
I drove more than a couple of thousand miles that summer. I hiked close to a hundred miles over many hours. God taught me how to walk and at the same time be still. He taught me how to be quiet and enjoy the scenery. I ate a lot of peanut butter toast, snickers bars, and hot tamales. I went on the perfect date. I stood on top of a mountain I had climbed and surveyed the world from the top. Then I did a handstand on that mountain. I drank a lot of water. I read a few choice books. I danced the night away. I watched falling stars with people I cared about a great deal. I learned how to manually score a game of bowling. I sat at the bar and discussed life for many hours with older, wiser people than myself. I watched friends struggle with themselves. I learned how to work a credit card machine. I watched a lot of people get married. I listened to music that filled my soul and haunts me to this day (and will probably haunt me forever). I missed my home.
Every day of that summer I looked up into the sky and was arrested by the blue, blue, blueness and thought about how I was the luckiest person in the world. I wore my red shoes every day. The sun was fierce, the shade was chilly, the thunderstorms were full of hail, but there was never enough rain to stop the fires. The smoke blew in and turned the moon to blood. There were no fireworks on the fourth of july that year. I learned what it really meant to fear the flame. I learned a lot about a lot of things that summer.
I learned who I was, in a place where no one knew me before I got there.
I can't fight the cold. I have given up and returned home to sit in my bed with my heating pad and dream about summer time. I am still going to attempt to do my homework, but my room is so messy I might have to attack it before I can do anything else.
I am afraid of my Evidence teacher - Carlson. Well, afraid is wrong. I care. A feeling I haven't had since first semester of last year. This class makes me nervous. I think part of it is that I wish I could be good in the court room, but my nerves get the best of me. And Carlson conducts class like a courtroom - lots of role playing, etc. And I get nervous. I still of course volunteer - it is compulsive, but my heart starts to beat faster, and I can't breath, and I kinda tremble. I'm going to make one hell of a litigator.
I mean, give me a break. It was 22 degrees when I got in my car this morning. Wind chill - 16. This is unacceptable. I could see my breath all the way to school.
In other news, I have been taking notes this morning. Also, I thought I had allergies, but now I have decided that I have a full blown cold. Not only am I freezing, but now I'm sick.
But other than these minor setbacks, I am having a great day so far. I am able to concentrate (lack of concentration is the major cause of my bad self esteem), I'm not completely lost in class, I am sitting next to my sweet friend Allison who I never see anymore, I am looking forward to a mr. pibb later, and I am determined to be productive today.
(but I hope it warms up).
More thoughts on this weekend tomorrow, but here is my happy thought of the day:
Getting into the bed at night when I still have an hour before I actually need to go to sleep and I have a book to read makes me happy in a tingly, warm, fuzzy, I'm so excited I can't breathe way. Since I have been in law school I have really neglected my pleasure reading and this has had a profound detrimental impact on my personal happiness. Books are my happy place and I refuse to let law school rob me of that.
I ran the past two days. I forgot how law school makes me run like someone is chasing me. I don't understand how I am already stressed. This is only the third day of school. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!
I'm not sleeping well, and I'm a little on edge. I need to get a grip on my life. Oh, and I REALLY need to clean up my room and unpack. It looks like a bomb full of clothes, pillows, books, and highlighters exploded.
I can't wait to go out tonight.
I have been reading lots of new blogs tonight, and I commented to Soup's post on the Urban dictionary, but I was having so much fun, with my comment, that I decided to make a post of my own. I am going to search for people's names who read this, or who are my friends and don't read this (because they don't love me or because I tell them everything anyways). Anyway, if your name isn't here, you can go here and look yourself up. I think this is going to be a fun game. I'll start with myself.
Charlsie is as of yet, undefined.
But Kate is defined, ( #1 is scary, #4 cracks me up, #8 is just wrong, #9 is mean).
Paine is defined, but is kinda scary.
Travers isn't defined, but Trav is.
Katie is my roommate - most people like the name Katie, but some people write gross stuff.
Okay, now I am going to tell you about my day, and put in links to the definitions of their names on Urban dictionary. If it is undefined, do something about it (a lot of names are undefined, so sometimes I put something similar). Keep in mind I didn't write any of these definitions, I am just linking to the dictionary.
I went to Evidence this morning and sat with Jamie, Otis, Rakesh, and Jerome. Then I went to Natural Resources, and sat next to Ian. I was looking for Cristina because I wanted her to sit with us. Right before class started I looked at Ian's book and realized I was in Tax. So I left. I walked out of the classroom and saw Appel heading into the room next door, and I followed him into class.
In natural resources I sat with Allison, Jason, and Ryan. Cristina sat with Brent.
After class I stood outside the locker room with Cristina while balancing a book on my head and waited for Jessica. I chatted with Jeff and Chad.
Then I went to lunch with Jessica, David, Tripp, Ally, and Kristin. On the way through campus we ran into Bizzy.
After lunch Jessica and David and I played on the internet. Kipp and Desmond were really loud. Cam said this wasn't true (scroll to the graphs). Meredith told me how her boyfriend was electrocuted by her computer cord (he survived, and she got a new cord). Christy and I discussed boys and school and life and all the things that we always overanalyze.
okay, I'm getting tired.....